A Starfleet Captain Attempts to Get a Book, ca. 2481
FROM: Captain Solok
TO: Chief Information Officer Siwik
RE: The T'Kumbra Monthly Bookclub Reading Selection
In the light of recent events, it has come to my attention that our officers might appreciate some relatively undemanding Terran reading for this month's selection. With this in mind, please ensure universal crew access to James Joyce's Finnegans Wake.
FROM: Chief Information Officer Siwik
TO: Captain Solok
RE: One cannot even begin to post Finnegans Wake
I regret to say that current Terran copyright legislation forbids the sale of all works by Joyce to species with eidectic memories. Reading Finnegans Wake and remembering it is considered tantamount to making a second copy; at best, we would be forced to sign contracts promising that all memories of the work would be erased upon completion. Obviously, this discriminatory legislation is being appealed in the Federation courts, but until it is successfully overturned, I believe that most of our crew would object strongly to such invasive procedures.
FROM: Captain Solok
TO: Chief Information Officer Siwik
RE: These words do not compute
I am puzzled by your use of "copyright legislation" and "sale" in your recent communication, as neither one exists in Gene Roddenberry's universe. Please clarify.
FROM: Chief Information Offier Siwik
TO: Captain Solok
RE: Fan mail
It would seem that the lords of our universe, having spent sufficient time reading fan mail pointing out that Federation economics appear totally unworkable, have decided to neglect canon.
In the meantime, I have requested three requests for information regarding this month's bookclub reading.
FROM: Captain Solok
TO: Chief Information Officer Siwik
RE: Alternative novel
As time is pressing, I suggest that we pursue something concise. Samuel Richardson's Clarissa should not be unduly burdensome.
FROM: Chief Information Officer Siwik
TO: Captain Solok
RE: Copyright laws and holograms
Unfortunately, the Hologram Intellectual Property Act mandates that sentient holograms of deceased authors be treated as identical to those authors for the purposes of copyright law. The Samuel Richardson hologram currently resident at the Sam Richardson Eighteenth-Century Experience (which, I gather, is some sort of live entertainment, featuring costumed performers and authentic English cuisine of the period) qualifies under the Act. Under the circumstances, licensing fees will in all likelihood be most prohibitive, unless we cancel our annual subscription to Vulcan Chocolatier.
FROM: Captain Solok
TO: Chief Information Officer Siwik
RE: Howl, howl, howl
William Shakespeare's King Lear, I trust, is safely out of copyright.
FROM: Chief Information Officer Siwik
TO: Captain Solok
RE: And my poor fool is not dead
Perhaps you are unaware of the current controversy surrounding Shakespeare and the Clones' Rights to Intellectual Propery Protection Bill? Recent advances in cloning technology have enabled scientists to clone Shakespeare from microbes discovered at what is believed to be his home in Stratford, thereby bringing his work back under copyright protections. Unfortunately, quarrels among various schools of Shakespearean authorship have led to the cloning of multiple "Shakespeares," including a Wilhelmina Shakespeare, all of whom have filed in court for the rights to royalties for performances of Shakespeare's plays. As a result, there is currently a galaxy-wide moratorium on the production and printing of any play by Shakespeare, although I gather that one of the clones has written a new comedy, The Taming of the Gorn.
FROM: Captain Solok
TO: Chief Officer Siwik
RE: Somebody out there must be dead
Please tell me that Charlotte Bronte, at least, remains safely underground, so that we may read Jane Eyre.
FROM: Chief Officer Siwik
TO: Captain Solok
RE: Reader, I unburied him
There is currently some uproar about the copyright status of Charlotte Bronte's work, as she was recently found to be not dead, but undead. When the vampiric Miss Bronte left the moors to approach the Federation Copyright Office, they initially concluded that as she was, technically, dead, her work had fallen into the public domain (a precedent set by FCO vs. Zombie Robert Browning). However, Miss Bronte has since sued the FCO, arguing that the undead maintain their intellectual property rights until they have been disintegrated, shot with silver bullets, staked, or otherwise consigned to their final resting place. The case is pending.
I hear, however, that Beowulf remains in the public domain...