The Little Professor

Scott Goes Hollywood!

In the comments to my previous post, Miriam Jones wryly suggests that the only way to sell Scott is to write "Now A Major Motion Picture!" on the cover. Really, this has possibilities. Of course, costume dramas are all very well, but given some recent adaptations, I suspect that Hollywood might want to take just a few minor liberties...


  • The Bride of Lammermoor. After making a fortune in tech stocks, the upwardly mobile Ashtons (Jack Nicholson and Diane Keaton, together again!) move from Orange County, CA to the Hamptons. Desperate to fit in with the East Coast "old money," they purchase an estate from the downward-trending Raven family, leaving son Ed (Johnny Depp) out in the cold. Ed meets cute with Lucy Ashton (Scarlett Johansson) at the local cappucino bar, and--despite mysterious warnings delivered via e-mail--they pursue their romance to a tragic conclusion. Ben Affleck provides comic relief as the Ashton's butler, Cal.


  • Redgauntlet. Miniseries. In this alternative history, set in the year 1789, the British attempt to reconquer the USA. George III (Hugh Laurie) and the Prince of Wales (Stephen Fry) personally lead the charge, much to the chagrin of the prime minister, William Pitt the Younger (Will Ferrell, in his first-ever attempt at an English accent). Much bumbling ensues.


  • The Heart of Midlothian. A would-be starlet (Jennifer Garner) bears the illegitimate child of an alternative rock producer (Steve Buscemi), but the child vanishes mysteriously. Braving the fury of their fundamentalist father (David Hasselhoff), the starlet's more demure elder sister (Alyssa Milano) raises money for her sister's appeal by conducting a walkathon. Hugs all around at the end.


  • Waverley. Waverley (Keanu Reeves) has never registered to vote. In this picaresque film, he finds himself torn between his parents' ancestral loyalty to the Democrats and his own budding love for a Republican, Flo (Angie Harmon). Flo's brother (Ashton Kutcher), however, is a Libertarian, and both Waverley and Flo find themselves swept up in his passionate quest to repeal the income tax. After much tragedy ensues, Waverley ends the film as a registered...Independent.
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